其實，我並沒有真的生氣，只是不滿意，不喜歡你這個態度而已….to JNsA
一個我唔算熟但算得上為朋友的人
我實在不可以說你的好朋友，
怎麼說，我沒有和你打過勾承諾作你的永遠的朋友；
我沒坐過在你的旁邊或附近，
我沒試過和你獨處過，
我沒同你二人談話超過一個小息的時間，而講的不是明星或八卦
我對你的認識也只是比那些同班但並沒說話可談的人懂多一丁點，
也只是那一點….
我今日寫這番文字，只因你是我的朋友，普通的朋友
可能只是我多事，但無論如何，我一定要說….
我不會評論你在乎那些不在乎你的人，那些令你流淚的人，
因為那是你的選擇去在乎他們，因為那些人是你的朋友，
我沒有任何的rights去話佢地
請你不要再好似今日下午那樣寫那幾番絕望的”酸”言!
你知我見到的時候，我的心已在抽泣
我不知道你那是甚麼的病，那個可能會令你要同我們講再見的病
我不問，我不知…. 因我知你不把我看得那樣的重
我不管這些一切一切!!!!
請你不要再寫那些甚麼死亡，沒有奇蹟，沒有人理你，類似物體的說話
我受夠你的負面啦~
難道你看不到我們，看不到我們私底下細聲講的擔心，我地憂慮的眼神嗎?
我向天父也講過，我為你感到不甘，一個那麼開心的年紀你卻要背負這些連成人也不一定受得了的痛，我真的為的感傷心，我情願這個人是我….. 至少我比你大舊 ……
我們所有人都為你擔心，不論我地幾時先識你….
我相信的偽裝自己的堅強也很辛苦吧!
我相信你對奇蹟發生的失望，一定很大吧!
放下這一切吧~
我比你這個生命經歷的小很多很多
曾經，我也目擊有人在我面前痛哭
我見過很多很多的人，見著一些人如何面對自己的死亡，
見過一些人如何面對他人的死亡…
我見過一個人面對一具C體大叫，
我見過有人不懂反應，我見過有人只是安靜地在角落哭泣，
我甚至見過有人為堅強他人而選擇哭過後向人展露出我從未見過那麼痛心的笑容……
我自己面對過多次屋企人突然話自己有死亡的可能，
精神病，工傷，cancer指數變高，糖尿，突然呼吸困難，撞穿頭,,,,,
我自己試過精神病。
我試過比你更想死，比你更加想離開這個世界，
我試過懼怕死亡!
比你更嚴重，我連哭都不懂
我突然地對所有試麻目了，
見到那些隨時離開的人，我會像你一樣，帶上一個偽裝的面具，掛上一個的笑容
對那些關心我的人，我只會覺得他不懂我不明白我
後來，我再觀察，
他們只是想我健康的成長，
他們只想我開開心心，
他們只是想我能夠感受到被愛，
他們只是想我幸福的生活，
他們和我的關系只有朋友，或屋企人
曾經，有個人說：在人有限的一生中，為了不想死後後悔，我們就好好生活每一秒。
有人是為愛情，有人為家庭，有人為錢和成就….. 每個人生存的理由都可能不同。我曾經想輕看這些地上的一切去尋死，但我知有些人，想活卻不能活，連看一眼也沒機會就同世界說了88…..
如果現在，你同我講我聽日會死，我會欣然的接受
不是我冷血或我輕看生命，
我一定會留戀這一切，這世界，這生命
但我接受死亡!
因為我已盡了力去活出我的人生，例如我有結識過一個你一樣的朋友
我已經可以給那些在地上的人有一個交代
我頭先提過的所有，輕生及身邊的經歷，已經好好的令我明白生存
面對死亡，我也會軟弱，會縮沙，但我不會絕望
因為生活倒一分鐘，已經係種福
你一定要緊記，
你有我地呢班朋友(?)，呢班同學
我地之間，已經有了很多
你一直永遠地都是我地的朋友
我地每個人都想和你一都寫出你的故事
我地都想有奇蹟
我地每一個都很在乎你
我地一直都很關心你
不要偽裝，我地想見到你的軟弱，
因為我地想倍你一齊行過佢
我喜歡你笑，但若果笑是苦的，請你不要笑吧
哭就哭吧，我只是想你成為那個本身的JN
生命本來就是辛苦，
你的，可能比我們多，
我，卻只能站在旁，
但請不要不要再說那些話了，
我真的會怕!!!
見過的也太多了，
我會怕的!!!
讓我地由呢一刻開始，幸福的活好每一天!!!
I, Love Life!
2010年10月23日 星期六
Difference
Today, Auntie Far come and speak to me: I think you(me) are sooo sooo soooo unique. You will have a big success but now, you still missing something. You will do thing in you own way. You are special...." More and More something like this. Me...okay...I know I'm special. Everyone is unique. That's what school educate student now. But, really, I am THAT different?? so, should I go for an addition..kekeke
I am a boring person. I am something different from other. I really know. But, I want to just be fit in. Why can't I be just the one on the street who is simply a person studying?? I want to be that girl. Nothing to worried, no one put any expect on you, just invisible in the crown. Do thing my own. I want this life.
Don't know this difference between me and people around will bring what change to me. Just gonna believe in God! ^^ By faith, I know I will grow and success!!!
I am a boring person. I am something different from other. I really know. But, I want to just be fit in. Why can't I be just the one on the street who is simply a person studying?? I want to be that girl. Nothing to worried, no one put any expect on you, just invisible in the crown. Do thing my own. I want this life.
Don't know this difference between me and people around will bring what change to me. Just gonna believe in God! ^^ By faith, I know I will grow and success!!!
2010年10月16日 星期六
Change....and Changing
Things go so fast..........sometime I think, as a 13 years-old girl, am I being so serious at things around? Experience some many things so early? HA~but whatever, it's past!
I really think after the chat with my friend who will go away soon is make me relieve. Just like....put all the thing at the back again, finally can breath, that kind of feeling. Suddenly feel: WOW~how long have this peace have gone.
To all of this, I can just be grateful, thanksful. Quote from Grandy: breath is a gift!
However, after all these years being that cool to things, I already used to this way. Used to stand beside and find my own fun, watched the funny scene that everybody have ignored, look carefully on everybody facial express....I can just say, this is amazing~amzaing to see faces in this world, the sky, stars, plants, human, animals....everything! I'm not avoiding to be involved but enjoy more at observe only!
Yeah~I'm changed.....and I am still changing!!!
I really think after the chat with my friend who will go away soon is make me relieve. Just like....put all the thing at the back again, finally can breath, that kind of feeling. Suddenly feel: WOW~how long have this peace have gone.
To all of this, I can just be grateful, thanksful. Quote from Grandy: breath is a gift!
However, after all these years being that cool to things, I already used to this way. Used to stand beside and find my own fun, watched the funny scene that everybody have ignored, look carefully on everybody facial express....I can just say, this is amazing~amzaing to see faces in this world, the sky, stars, plants, human, animals....everything! I'm not avoiding to be involved but enjoy more at observe only!
Yeah~I'm changed.....and I am still changing!!!
2010年9月3日 星期五
New Term, Start Again
Started School 3 days...already have homework! AH~wt the hell!
These fews days I just like to being silence. So not me. I know! But, I like this way. Sitting at home, hearing the sound of night, just think about the things I am doing. This feeling is amazing. Once, during my summer holiday, I sat on my sofa and just think about everything in my life. As time pass by, I thought til the sun rise. You'll never believe how excited I am. The sky is so blue that day. Looking the sun light up the town. Just like I have found a new hope, a new way. I love doing things at night, while everybody sleeping. It's feel like: Yes, I am finally alone and nobody cound see. I can do something I really love.
For all these years, people think I am the kind of people who is smart and social. I would like to say NO. Absolutely NO! I dislike hugging out with others, except I am close with them. I dislike stranger. I am a totally boring person so don't expect I will tell a funny joke to you. I can speak but underneath, I don't want to speak. I am SHY. Plz, don't expect I will bravely give you respond immediately. Plz except this little girl in front of you are not somebody you think. I'm sorry, I am not "HER".
...Suddenly feel so much! kekeke! alright g2g. xxx
These fews days I just like to being silence. So not me. I know! But, I like this way. Sitting at home, hearing the sound of night, just think about the things I am doing. This feeling is amazing. Once, during my summer holiday, I sat on my sofa and just think about everything in my life. As time pass by, I thought til the sun rise. You'll never believe how excited I am. The sky is so blue that day. Looking the sun light up the town. Just like I have found a new hope, a new way. I love doing things at night, while everybody sleeping. It's feel like: Yes, I am finally alone and nobody cound see. I can do something I really love.
For all these years, people think I am the kind of people who is smart and social. I would like to say NO. Absolutely NO! I dislike hugging out with others, except I am close with them. I dislike stranger. I am a totally boring person so don't expect I will tell a funny joke to you. I can speak but underneath, I don't want to speak. I am SHY. Plz, don't expect I will bravely give you respond immediately. Plz except this little girl in front of you are not somebody you think. I'm sorry, I am not "HER".
...Suddenly feel so much! kekeke! alright g2g. xxx
2010年8月26日 星期四
What's That??
What the newest single/album in your iPod?? Usher? Miley Cyrus's "Can't Be Tamed"? YUI's "Summer Holiday"?(Japen) Or, SHINee's "Lucifer"?? (Korea)
Whatever it is, to out music teacher, what is "real" music in your mind??
I ask that is because I already lost in our "Music" lesson. Our music lesson is all about Mozart. Oh~Come on!! I heard the story over and over since I am primary 1. So, are you telling me Mozart's music is what we call real music. Lady Gaga's music is fake!!??
I like the infomation keep updated. I don't like the info getting old and have no change. Have you ever wonder what is "Urban Pop", "Punk", "Alternative", "Rock"....each of this kind of music, what they are about and what the difference. Everytime some judges coming out on stage during some of the music competition and spoke some words like this, do you fully know what's that?? As our Music educators, should you guys tought us what this all about, not keep telling us what is Mozart and how genius he is! (But, I like Mozart's songs too!! He IS a genius~)
Everybody know music is not only Classic. EVERYone knew. But, in our "music" lesson that's all about. Guess wt?! I am thinking I am an idiot when I'm looking to the words. Is it worth for us to keep this kind of "music education" to our teens?? Can music lesson be meaningful again? I doubt!!!
Whatever it is, to out music teacher, what is "real" music in your mind??
I ask that is because I already lost in our "Music" lesson. Our music lesson is all about Mozart. Oh~Come on!! I heard the story over and over since I am primary 1. So, are you telling me Mozart's music is what we call real music. Lady Gaga's music is fake!!??
I like the infomation keep updated. I don't like the info getting old and have no change. Have you ever wonder what is "Urban Pop", "Punk", "Alternative", "Rock"....each of this kind of music, what they are about and what the difference. Everytime some judges coming out on stage during some of the music competition and spoke some words like this, do you fully know what's that?? As our Music educators, should you guys tought us what this all about, not keep telling us what is Mozart and how genius he is! (But, I like Mozart's songs too!! He IS a genius~)
Everybody know music is not only Classic. EVERYone knew. But, in our "music" lesson that's all about. Guess wt?! I am thinking I am an idiot when I'm looking to the words. Is it worth for us to keep this kind of "music education" to our teens?? Can music lesson be meaningful again? I doubt!!!
2010年4月24日 星期六
2010年4月19日 星期一
I become new~
Hey guys. Long time haven't wrote any blogs. I have just become a new girl and I really want to show magical is this.
The change is start because I failed the dictation test. 24/100~!! That's so a impossible number. It's so not my level. And then, I dicided I need a big change of my habits.
Now, I didn't stick with the computer much as the day before this. I finally did my homework and my revison. Even, I must admit that the life like this is not easy at all. I think this is now SO comfortable too. But...whatever?! At least I am doing quite well now ;-)
Love Queenie and Minerva!! Best Mates 4ever. Also...4sis...of coz!!
xxxEliza
The change is start because I failed the dictation test. 24/100~!! That's so a impossible number. It's so not my level. And then, I dicided I need a big change of my habits.
Now, I didn't stick with the computer much as the day before this. I finally did my homework and my revison. Even, I must admit that the life like this is not easy at all. I think this is now SO comfortable too. But...whatever?! At least I am doing quite well now ;-)
Love Queenie and Minerva!! Best Mates 4ever. Also...4sis...of coz!!
xxxEliza
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